This is especially for *julien-littleone, but also for anyone else who is interested in our collab. A while back, I found some old notes about ideas that could be used in the story, and I decided to sum them up and post them, just in case someone finds them useful (given that the story is going remain in a rather fragmented state for some time to come, these notes might make it more clear what we are writing about).

Brief overview of Louise's life. Louise (Luisa) is an autistic woman who grew up in an alternative world which is more or less like late 19-th century Italy. Her mother, Lucrezia, being fundamentally miserable and manipulative, perceived Luisa's "madness" as a personal offense. It didn't trouble her much that Luisa herself might be suffering due to being "mad"; but she felt angry and insulted that her daughter would not be able to accomplish the plans she had in store for her. On the other hand, Luisa's father, Guido, was not specifically preoccupied with her being sick or "mad", and merely saw her as a burden. Luisa herself was indifferent to both of them (being unable to form attachments to abusive people), but was very close to her nanny, Francesca, and her cat, Ombra.

When Luisa turned fourteen and started to act in a more acceptable way, her parents realized that they could get her off their hands, and married her to a man named Eugene who was supposed to take care of her. Instead, he raped her repeatedly, which resulted in her having nine sons. Eight of her elder children were born without her wanting them or caring for them, and, given that they also avoided and feared her, this made for a complete lack of relationships between them all. However, she happened to form a strong attachment to her yongest son, Bertrand, who was the first to try and establish some sort of contact with her.

Two of Louise's sons, Ernest (19 when the action takes place) and Bertrand (9 when the action takes place) are autistic. Bertrand is hyperactive, excitable and nervous, obsessed with wildlife like his mother. Being too odd, loud and inquisitive, he is the outcast of the family, and is often beaten by his elder brothers; he spends most of his time wandering the fields with his dog, observing and catching the different creatures he comes across. Ernest is sullen, serious and occasionally explosive, and prefers to occupy himself with outdoor activities such as horse-riding, hunting and sailing. Though he is often angry with Bertrand for bothering him, he never actually hurts his younger brother, and understands him more than the others do.

Louise is solitary and reserved, even for an autistic person; she has stark, shattering feelings, but mostly keeps them to herself. She forms a strong attachment to one or perhaps two close people, and prefers to spend her time around them, or around animals, avoiding anyone else. One of her most prominent traits is a fundamental sense of wonder, which enables her to still enjoy life, no matter how tough it gets. She is hurt by others' suffering, but has no sympathy for those who whine and do nothing to change their situation, or who use their misery as an excuse for controlling and hurting others (one of her children refers to her as a "merciless optimist"). She believes in God, Whom she sees as the Creator of all the miracles, large and little, that surround her.

Lilac vs. gray.

Once *julien-littleone told me that she could easily envision Louise in an ordinary-looking long, brown jacket, possibly leather, on top of a long lilac gown. I liked this image of her, and it made me realize that lilac was one of *the* colors to be used for Louise. I also realized that this color, along with gray, could make for a fine color metaphor.

Gray stands for having no sense of self, for being unable to tell oneself from one’s surroundings, or to distinguish between separate objects, i.e., what is referred to as “the mist”. While Louise is a child, and just barely aware, she is always portrayed as dressed in gray (“smokey” or “dusty” gray which makes her look “like a ghost” or "like a little shadow" etc.). However, starting from the day when she first becomes conscious of being herself, the gray changes to lilac. This is a color which forms a continuum with gray (gray - slate violet - pastel lilac - bright lilac - violet) and can naturally blend into it, so it conjures up an image of emerging, gradually condensing into an entity that is distinct from its surroundings. It is also a color that suits Louise, in a different way than does her favorite white, and it appears to be the best color for representing her ascension from what she terms "the mist".

Gray also stands for the attempts by Louise’s mother, Lucrezia, to control her daughter and stunt her growth. In this sense, it may be taken to signify erasure, disappearance, and a stifled selfhood; it is lilac after all its richness and uniqueness has been drained. Incidentally, the dolls which Lucrezia keeps buying obsessively for Louise, and which symbolize the role she wants Louise to take on, are also all dressed in gray.

Colors associated with Louise: white, gold, bright turquoise, bright lilac.

In a sense, these are colors associated with complexity and strong emotion, and they all have a shade of something "transcendent" to them.

I could also imagine the older Louise, the mater familias, being dressed in dark, rich browns and earthy brownish-orange, or a combination of these colors with white.

Colors associated with Bertrand: black-and-white, black, dark blue or indigo, bright sunny orange.

Bertrand starts out as dressed in black and white. It symbolizes his “black and white” personality; he tends to make broad sweeping statements, categorizes sharply without making subtle distinctions, and is generally stubborn, blunt and outspoken. In a sense, this is something he has to outgrow, just like Louise grew and evolved beyond the swaddling of "the mist".

Apart from being in love with all living creatures, which is normal, Bertrand obsesses over special things others find "strange" or "curious": bioluminescence, eclosion (a butterfly emerging from its cocoon). To him, they have a deep symbolic meaning, even though, being 8-9 years old and still out of touch with his own feelings, he is unable to grasp it. On a certain level, this indicates that he is wise for his years.

Bracelet.

Louise wears a silver bracelet (lined with soft suede, so that it does not trouble her) with a modest ornament, which also bears a message saying that she cannot speak and will communicate only in writing, along with her full name and address. As a teen, she was trained to raise her arm automatically as soon as someone approaches, displaying the wrist with the bracelet; this was easier than teaching her to sign in order to indicate that she is mute, and made sure that people saw her details and could send her home at once in case she had gotten lost. With time, this turned into her special way of establishing contact with others.

I talked to another friend about this once, and she remarked that the bracelet seems to indicate Louise's fundamental honesty and openness (which is there despite her being so withdrawn), along with the boldness one needs to have in order to proudly proclaim something so intimate to the rest of the world. I agreed. She also felt this was Louise's unique, quirky way of communicating, and again it was true.

The chain-mail shirt.

Louise constantly wears a mesh shirt she had discovered once in the manor attic, among the other old things lying there. Sometimes she will even sleep in it. In a very practical sense, it provides her with calming deep pressure, and allows her to keep her emotions in check. On a symbolic level, it represents her resilience, and the fact that she is naturally inured to certain hardships due to a combination of autism and exceptionally strong personality.

At one point, Bertrand recalls a moment when, while walking with him, Louise took off her woolen overgarment, so that the steel mesh showed, and he found himself fascinated by the sight of his mother in armor, which he thought was like her "second skin". During the actual action of the story, Louise stumbles upon Bertrand as he lies crying after being beaten by his brothers, and, after rocking him for a while, puits her mail shirt onto him. Thereby she symbolically imparts her strength to him.